This list has some old and some new, but all are bad which is what a pun is supposed to be.
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Lexophiles (Lovers of Words)
1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired. 2. A will is a dead giveaway. 3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. 4. A backward poet writes inverse. 5. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. 6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. 8. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it. 9. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key. 10. A calendar’s days are numbered. 11. A boiled egg is hard to beat. 12. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. 13. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large. 14. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 15. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall. 16. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine . 17. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye. 18. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses. 19. Acupuncture: a jab well done. 20. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet. 21. The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 22. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 23. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still. 24. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. 25. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery. 26. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 27. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 28. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 29. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 30. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 31. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’ 32. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said ‘No change yet.’ 33. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 34. Don’t join dangerous cults: practice safe sects. |







Amazing Technology and Bewildering Processes
March 10, 2013 by mardoufox
A friend once told me to be prepared to be disappointed in a purchase of goods or service 50% of the time. I thought he was just being surly. What does this mean?
Our e-book series on CD with the good labeling.
Our new e-book series on CD product is ready, so I needed a Lightscribe(TM) drive to create the labeling. I’d borrowed a friend’s laptop to create the first few discs, and the labeling from his drive was perfect. I was able to take the promotional photos and start advertising. I couldn’t keep using his drive, and needed one of my own to produce our discs.
I bought a brand-name external drive from a well-known technology online retailer I’ll call “Company”, thinking that the brand-name drive would be of good quality especially with all of the positive reviews I’d read about it. I also purchased the same brand-name writable media. The order arrived quickly and in good condition. However, the drive produced Lightscribe(TM) labeling of streaky, banded quality. Arghh! I definitely will not sell our CD product with that inferior labeling.
So I attempted to use the Company website which indicated that I should request a Return Authorization following their online process, but the form would not let me proceed. So I called their customer support to request an RA#, and received one. (The fellow on the phone said that they no longer allowed the request online, and couldn’t answer why the process was indicated on their website as the preferred method.)
So, the UPS label was sent straight away to my email, and the fellow on the phone said it contained the RA#, and to pack and return the item.
I packed up and shipped off the offending drive.
Then the next day, I received another email that said I must print a form, sign it, include the RA# and it must be included in the returned package. Okay. So I printed, signed and sent it to the warehouse, hoping they can match up the already-sent package with the form.
Then the next day, I receive an email saying my RA# has been approved and that I can send the package for return. WTF? I believe they have the notification process completely backward. So, I’m disappointed in the product, and then disappointed once again in the process.
I’m not angry or even frustrated, just bewildered. Is it just that my expectations are too high?
If the processes that you deal with on a daily basis go at least moderately well, you should be pleased.
I’ll eventually forge ahead into the internet-shopping wilderness again. Stay tuned for our new product progress.
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